christmas

i weep on your doorknob.

that cold, shiny thing that protrudes from your door.

and silently, i await your answer

without ringing the bell

or even knocking

but i peeked a little from your window

and i saw someone else

and you seem happy

and i am happy that you are

but why do i

suddenly find the urge to knock

just say hello

without intending to say goodbye

feigning goodbye one more time

and those trees you cut were supposedly mine

and that mistletoe should have been ours

i wanted to be your man

i wanted to hold you once more and never let go

but you're happy

and now my charade is over

i love you. and loving you has crippled me to do so again.