escapist tips and armchair psychology

recently pulled out my old email and i found stacked in my files an old chat transcript with a dear friend long enough to cover an entire week's post. so much material. i shan't post everything though. just an excerpt when i was getting dramatic over freedom of thought issues with my curent relationship. that moment i thought my mind was going to be enslaved and ridiculously shattered by too much sacrifice. a feeling i no longer wish to possess. sometimes, you eventually understand when sacrifice is enough and just when to stop getting your love meter off the charts. i almost went haywire trying hard to be the pleaser just to make a point that i am seriously into this.

but then again, was i really?

the moment you give everything to a relationship, do you really intend to give everything? leave everything behind - even your freedom of thought. it was one realization that i never missed. your mind, will never be contained. it will always find a way to rebel to something which it does not find appealing. ohmahgawd. i hate me introspecting.

segue. it is refreshing to have loving friends. free spirited friends also caught up by life's suffocating nuisances. i miss my fellowship. bigtime.

the conversation has been denied of it's speaker's labels... just to make a mess out of the conversation.

touche'

: i do not complain to you nor to anyone nor to myself. i just think that ___ will be the end of me soon
: i mean that i shall become different
: i don't quite understand the dynamics of your relationship because you give me so little.
: which i respect.
: in a way that i do not know
: you love him so much?
: yes
: how can you say that then?
: because i love him so much that im willing to give up everything, including my pride, my sanity, just to keep him

: if he changes you, you don't like it?
: i myt
: i myt not
: will you?
: then what is so wrong with that? to find someone you love so much...
: i have. but i have kept myself in secret places. like here.
: its suicide
: there has to be.
: it is. so we steal.
: ourselves. away from them.

: we can only betray ourselves so much.